self-perception
I don't look like that. At least that's what I think every time I see a photo of myself. I think most of us have pictures in our mind of how we look and mine is completely different from reality. I have always pictured myself as the chubby guy and am always surprised when I see this skinny fellow in pictures. I know it's a carryover from when I was a big guy, but it's hard for me to break that preconception and imagine myself as anything other than fat.
I'm sure it affects my self-esteem in some ways because since I think of myself as this big guy, I imagine others think of me in that way as well. Consequently I think people think of me less since I think they think I'm a big person. Weird thoughts and an oddly worded sentence huh? I'm trying to build up my self-confidence and also get pass this odd self-image. Maybe I just have to constantly remind myself that I'm not that big guy anymore, so I shouldn't think of myself as that person. I've worked hard to get my weight down and I should be proud.
That's another thing, I feel ashamed when I say how big I used to be because I always felt that I should have never gotten to that point in the first place. When people ask how much I've lost, I'm a bit reticent to say that I've lost 100 lbs because of that shame I feel in once being so big. Weird hangup, yep.
Oh well, that's enough of introspective Jay for now.
I'm sure it affects my self-esteem in some ways because since I think of myself as this big guy, I imagine others think of me in that way as well. Consequently I think people think of me less since I think they think I'm a big person. Weird thoughts and an oddly worded sentence huh? I'm trying to build up my self-confidence and also get pass this odd self-image. Maybe I just have to constantly remind myself that I'm not that big guy anymore, so I shouldn't think of myself as that person. I've worked hard to get my weight down and I should be proud.
That's another thing, I feel ashamed when I say how big I used to be because I always felt that I should have never gotten to that point in the first place. When people ask how much I've lost, I'm a bit reticent to say that I've lost 100 lbs because of that shame I feel in once being so big. Weird hangup, yep.
Oh well, that's enough of introspective Jay for now.
This entry was posted
on 11.04.2005 at 10:04.
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posted byI know how you feel, only in my case, I'm not skinny... yet. I had this image of what I looked like in my head & recently, when I saw some pictures of myself from a race I ran a few weeks ago & it was a harsh smack of reality. I'm embarrassed that I let myself get to this point (even though I'm not as big as I used to be), but I think what really matters is that we are/were not willing to let it stay that way.
I didn't realize you'd lost 100 lbs. I mean, I knew you lost weight (that was quite obvious), but I never would've guessed that amount. That is definitely something to be proud of & it gives me hope that some day I'll be able to accomplish the same as you. And who knows, maybe I'll even be able to catch up to you in a marathon some day. :)
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